[mehrens2112]

Originally Posted by Damo

I heard something similar; one question during a philosophy exam was "does this chair exist?" referring to a chair that the examiner placed at the front of the room. One student answered "What chair?" He/She got an A.
Their was also one (probably untrue but a good laugh non the less) about an Oxford of Cambridge student who requested cake and ale during the exam, as was the right in the old university by laws "Gentleman sitting examinations may request cake and ale". The Examiners got him the modern equivalent of MacDonald’s and cola. The examiners got their own back when three weeks later the student was finned £5.00 for not wearing a sword to the exam

Now that is funny. Love the traditions in the UK. We just have fraternity hazing (I can't go into details or I will have to go into hiding)

[Damo]

Originally Posted by mehrens2112

We just have fraternity hazing (I can't go into details or I will have to go into hiding)

I can sort of imagine, I was in my university rugby team

[mehrens2112]

A preacher was making his rounds on a bicycle, when he came upon a little boy trying to sell a lawn mower.
'How much do you want for the mower?' asked the preacher.
'I just want enough money to go out and buy me a bicycle,' said the little boy.
After a moment of consideration, the preacher asked, Will you take my bike in trade for it?'
The little boy asked if he could try it out first, and, after riding the bike around a little while, said, 'Mister, you've got yourself a deal.'
The preacher took the mower and began to crank it. He pulled on the rope a few times with no response from the mower.
The preacher called the little boy over and said, 'I can't get this mower to start.'
The little boy said, 'That's because you have to cuss at it to get it started.'
The preacher said, I can't cuss. It's been so long since I became a Christian that I don't even remember how to cuss.'
The little boy looked at him happily and said, 'You just keep pulling on that rope. It'll come back to ya.

[squash54]

A friend sent me this and swears it is a true story. Hence, I am pretty sure it's an urban myth

A police patrol parked outside a neighbourhood pub. Late in the
evening the officer noticed a group leaving the bar including a guy so intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car, which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry
night), flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few feet, reversed a little and then remained
stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left.
At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyser test.
To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man's intoxication.
The police officer said 'I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station - this breathalyser equipment must be broken.'
'I doubt it,' said the man, 'tonight I'm the designated decoy'.

[squash54]

For all you Credence fans, I thought this was pretty funny:

YouTube - Creedence Clearwater Revival - misheard lyrics

[Starcat]

Originally Posted by squash54

For all you Credence fans, I thought this was pretty funny:

YouTube - Creedence Clearwater Revival - misheard lyrics

Thanks for that, squash.
Really funny
There are plenty of other misheard lyrics on there too that I will have to check out.

[Mellifluous]

Not a joke, but this is a great story

http://www.tavres.com/Dave/TAL-SquirrelCop.wma

Quite well known so you may have heard it already.

[mehrens2112]

Originally Posted by squash54

A friend sent me this and swears it is a true story. Hence, I am pretty sure it's an urban myth

A police patrol parked outside a neighbourhood pub. Late in the
evening the officer noticed a group leaving the bar including a guy so intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car, which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry
night), flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few feet, reversed a little and then remained
stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left.
At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyser test.
To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man's intoxication.
The police officer said 'I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station - this breathalyser equipment must be broken.'
'I doubt it,' said the man, 'tonight I'm the designated decoy'.

I've heard this one before too

[Damo]

Originally Posted by squash54

A friend sent me this and swears it is a true story. Hence, I am pretty sure it's an urban myth

A police patrol parked outside a neighbourhood pub. Late in the
evening the officer noticed a group leaving the bar including a guy so intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car, which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry
night), flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few feet, reversed a little and then remained
stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left.
At last he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyser test.
To his amazement the breathalyser indicated no evidence of the man's intoxication.
The police officer said 'I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station - this breathalyser equipment must be broken.'
'I doubt it,' said the man, 'tonight I'm the designated decoy'.

This one is true Someone once sent me the scaned article from the Aussie newspaper it was in. I think a few UK papers got hold of the story for their "odd news" sections. Don't know if the guy was busted for obstruction of justice or wasting police time

[vikulenka]

Two plus two is five

"First and above all he was a logician. At least thirty-five years of the half-century or so of his existence had been devoted exclusively to proving that two and two always equal four, except in unusual cases, where they equal three or five, as the case may be." -- Jacques Futrelle, "The Problem of Cell 13"

Most mathematicians are familiar with -- or have at least seen references in the literature to -- the equation 2 + 2 = 4. However, the less well known equation 2 + 2 = 5 also has a rich, complex history behind it. Like any other complex quantitiy, this history has a real part and an imaginary part; we shall deal exclusively with the latter here.

Many cultures, in their early mathematical development, discovered the equation 2 + 2 = 5. For example, consider the Bolb tribe, descended from the Incas of South America. The Bolbs counted by tying knots in ropes. They quickly realized that when a 2-knot rope is put together with another 2-knot rope, a 5-knot rope results.

Recent findings indicate that the Pythagorean Brotherhood discovered a proof that 2 + 2 = 5, but the proof never got written up. Contrary to what one might expect, the proof's nonappearance was not caused by a cover-up such as the Pythagoreans attempted with the irrationality of the square root of two. Rather, they simply could not pay for the necessary scribe service. They had lost their grant money due to the protests of an oxen-rights activist who objected to the Brotherhood's method of celebrating the discovery of theorems. Thus it was that only the equation 2 + 2 = 4 was used in Euclid's "Elements," and nothing more was heard of 2 + 2 = 5 for several centuries.

Around A.D. 1200 Leonardo of Pisa (Fibonacci) discovered that a few weeks after putting 2 male rabbits plus 2 female rabbits in the same cage, he ended up with considerably more than 4 rabbits. Fearing that too strong a challenge to the value 4 given in Euclid would meet with opposition, Leonardo conservatively stated, "2 + 2 is more like 5 than 4." Even this cautious rendition of his data was roundly condemned and earned Leonardo the nickname "Blockhead." By the way, his practice of underestimating the number of rabbits persisted; his celebrated model of rabbit populations had each birth consisting of only two babies, a gross underestimate if ever there was one.

Some 400 years later, the thread was picked up once more, this time by the French mathematicians. Descartes announced, "I think 2 + 2 = 5; therefore it does." However, others objected that his argument was somewhat less than totally rigorous. Apparently, Fermat had a more rigorous proof which was to appear as part of a book, but it and other material were cut by the editor so that the book could be printed with wider margins.

Between the fact that no definitive proof of 2 + 2 = 5 was available and the excitement of the development of calculus, by 1700 mathematicians had again lost interest in the equation. In fact, the only known 18th-century reference to 2 + 2 = 5 is due to the philosopher Bishop Berkeley who, upon discovering it in an old manuscript, wryly commented, "Well, now I know where all the departed quantities went to -- the right-hand side of this equation." That witticism so impressed California intellectuals that they named a university town after him.

But in the early to middle 1800's, 2 + 2 began to take on great significance. Riemann developed an arithmetic in which 2 + 2 = 5, paralleling the Euclidean 2 + 2 = 4 arithmetic. Moreover, during this period Gauss produced an arithmetic in which 2 + 2 = 3. Naturally, there ensued decades of great confusion as to the actual value of 2 + 2. Because of changing opinions on this topic, Kempe's proof in 1880 of the 4-color theorem was deemed 11 years later to yield, instead, the 5-color theorem. Dedekind entered the debate with an article entitled "Was ist und was soll 2 + 2?"

Frege thought he had settled the question while preparing a condensed version of his "Begriffsschrift." This condensation, entitled "Die Kleine Begriffsschrift (The Short Schrift)," contained what he considered to be a definitive proof of 2 + 2 = 5. But then Frege received a letter from Bertrand Russell, reminding him that in "Grundbeefen der Mathematik" Frege had proved that 2 + 2 = 4. This contradiction so discouraged Frege that he abandoned mathematics altogether and went into university administration.

Faced with this profound and bewildering foundational question of the value of 2 + 2, mathematicians followed the reasonable course of action: they just ignored the whole thing. And so everyone reverted to 2 + 2 = 4 with nothing being done with its rival equation during the 20th century. There had been rumors that Bourbaki was planning to devote a volume to 2 + 2 = 5 (the first forty pages taken up by the symbolic expression for the number five), but those rumor remained unconfirmed. Recently, though, there have been reported computer-assisted proofs that 2 + 2 = 5, typically involving computers belonging to utility companies. Perhaps the 21st century will see yet another revival of this historic equation.

The above was written by Houston Euler.